Raising the Kind of Kid Who Is Kind to Others

Kindness is one of the most important habits that we can help our kids develop. When we do a “good deed” for other people, it makes them feel good and it makes us feel good—but kindness carries other benefits, too. Research shows that being kind can benefit physical and mental health, and it helps people feel more connected to their communities.¹ (Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. Kindness: How Good Deeds Can Be Good for You) So, what are the benefits of kindness and how can you raise the kind of kid who is kind to others?

Connecting Kindness With Health

Fifty-three percent of volunteers noted such gains as greater happiness and optimism, as well as a decrease in feelings of helplessness and depression. More than 90 percent of volunteers said that regular volunteering produced feelings of emotional well-being, a powerful antidote to stress. (Random Acts of Kindness Foundation)

One of the most compelling studies of kindness involved more than 3,000 volunteers of all ages. Volunteers received a 17-question survey asking them how they felt when they did a kind act. The results showed a clear cause-and-effect relationship between helping and good health. In a nutshell, the researchers concluded, “Helping contributes to the maintenance of good health, and it can diminish the effect of diseases and disorders, both serious and minor, psychological and physical.” ² (Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. Kindness: How Good Deeds Can Be Good for You)

Connecting Kindness With Communities

Kindness builds our personal health, but it also builds our civic health! Being kind to friends and neighbors helps people feel happier and more connected to their community. Why is this important? A sense of belonging to a neighborhood can help protect kids against substance abuse and poor mental health. Strong community connections also help build a “safety net” for your children of neighbors who care, listen, monitor them, and guide them toward safe choices.

Connecting Kindness With Your Family

So, how do you raise kids who treat others with kindness? Make kindness a habit! Here’s how:

• Make kindness part of your everyday routine. Children learn kindness the same way they learn other important skills—by watching you. How you react when your child interrupts your telephone conversation, how you solve conflict with your spouse, and how you talk about your mother-in-law before she comes to visit are times when your child can learn about kindness.
• Set rules that encourage kindness such as “no hitting” or “no name calling” and stick to them. Kindness starts with an understanding of what’s okay in your family and what’s not. Oftentimes, kids will test the boundaries that parents set, but be firm. Your child will begin to understand your family values and what is important to you.
• Use good manners at all times. Kindness is about being courteous to people, even if you don’t know them. Call out a friendly “good morning” to the new neighbor, thank the pizza delivery person when he brings the pizza, and smile at people you pass on the sidewalk. Expect your children to do the same! These little gestures go a long way to building kindness.
• Ask your child to think about how other people feel. Childhood is full of times when kids’ feelings get hurt—from being chosen last for a team in gym class to not getting invited to a special event. You can’t always stop these things from happening, but kindness can help heal a hurting child. Use the experiences to talk with your child about other people’s feelings: “How do you think Jack felt when he wasn’t invited to the big party? What do you think you could do to help him feel better?”

Kindness is a skill for which there is no test, no grade, and no final project—but it has the power to change the lives of your children and the people they meet. As American author Henry James put it, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.” Take time to teach your kids how to be kind. If Henry James is right, it’s the most important lesson they’ll ever learn.

Sources

^1,2Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. Kindness: How Good Deeds Can Be Good for You, http://www.actsofkindness.org/inspiration/health/detail.asp?id=1, last referenced 5/23/07.

Additional Resources

Children’s Kindness Network.
http://www.ckn-usa.org/

Cousins, Marcia. Random Acts of Kindness for Kids.
http://www.remc11.k12.mi.us/bstpract/bpII/Lessons/99035/99035.pdf

Kids Care Clubs, a program of the Points of Light Foundation.
http://www.kidscare.org/index.jsp

Kind Acts Foundation.
http://kindacts.org/

Perets, Abbi. Encouraging Kindness in Children.
http://www.partnershipforlearning.org/article.asp?ArticleID=1981

Discussion Starter

Think of a time when someone was kind to you. What did they do or say? How did it make you feel?