It’s an old story—when kids start dating, parental concern often begins to rise. A new study gives parents more to think about: the link between dating and the use of alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs. This tie is connected closely to the most important problems teens say they face: drugs and social pressures, such as being popular and fitting in.

In an annual back-to-school survey 1,000 teens were asked about social activities, school work, family life, and use of alcohol, tobacco, and drugs.¹ Although the survey did not pinpoint the reasons why some teens abuse harmful substances, it found three risk factors that are linked to the likelihood of use:

1. Having friends who are sexually active.
2. Spending a lot of time with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
3. For females, having a boyfriend who is more than 2 years older.²
4. For teens who fit all of these descriptions, the risk of substance abuse is even greater.³

When asked about problems faced by people their age, the teens in the survey came up with a long list. Their number one concern is drugs, followed closely by social pressures like popularity and fitting in. Teens cited these issues more often than traditional ones such as doing well in school, getting into college, getting along with parents, and having a lack of money.⁴

What to do? Talk with your child—the sooner the better. Discussing friendships, dating, and other concerns can help teens make good choices and deal with social stress. You may find it hard to bring up sensitive topics such as substance abuse and sex; however, these talks will be easier if you regularly set aside time to listen to your child and discuss her concerns. Making time to talk with your child lets her know you care.

Make a habit of having dinner with your teen. Chatting over dinner offers a chance to get into the important teen issues of dating and substance abuse. The survey found that having dinner together as a family can lower your child’s risk of substance abuse. Besides, you might be in for a pleasant surprise—many teens in the survey said they wished they could discuss dating, peer pressure, and substance abuse honestly with their parents.⁵

In addition to sharing meals together, there are many other things you can do to keep your teenager from using harmful substances:

• Know where your child is and with whom—ask questions and set limits.
• Communicate openly—let him know that you respect his views and are there for him.
• Manage conflict—don’t show anger or push so hard that he pulls away.
• Define a healthy relationship—let him know that a caring dating partner does not make threats or demands.
• Teach your child how to say no—help him practice ways to say no to sex and harmful substances.
• Tackle the issues of sex and substance abuse head on—discuss these issues regularly and let your teen know what is acceptable to increase the likelihood that he will behave responsibly.
• Get to know your teen’s dating partner and other close friends—communicate with other teens and parents in your teen’s life.

The many influences that can lead to substance abuse often make the teen years confusing to young people and challenging to parents. Still, there’s a lot you can do to guide your child to a social life that’s fun and drug free. Get involved, be there for her, and start talking about dating and substance abuse.

Sources

Additional Resources

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention. Updated in 2004. Keeping Youth Drug Free. (An updated print version of this publication was released in 2004.)

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Office of Applied Studies. 2004. Overview of Findings From the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, last referenced 12/20/04.
(A print version of this publication was released in 2004.)

Massachusetts Department of Public Health. Risk and Protective Factors

American Academy of Pediatrics. Substance Abuse and Social Gatherings