Most parents, teachers, and other authority figures deal with young people who occasionally break the rules. As kids move from childhood to their teen years, they may push limits, ignore advice, and question authority. You may wonder how to get them to stop, do as they're told, and act right.

Discuss limits and expectations. Rules work best when parents encourage their teens to have some say in them.

It's natural for kids to want to grow up. As kids get older, they begin to declare their independence. Don't mistake their strong opinions, personal likes and dislikes, questions, and criticism for rebellion. A closer look at their behaviors may indicate that they are developing their own unique grownup identities.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Some battles aren't worth fighting-save your energy for major issues, like those that affect a child's health or safety.

But, what about when a child breaks the rules on purpose? "My way or the highway!" may be your first thought. However, this approach will likely make matters worse. Yet, giving in or giving up sends the wrong message.

Be consistent. On-again, off-again rules quickly lose their purpose.

So, what can you do? Start by looking at your style of communicating. What worked when your child was younger may be less effective as he moves toward the teen years. What works with other kids may not work with him.

Have good reasons. Rules mean more when they're based on facts and principles including fairness and kindness.

As youth get older, they want to be taken seriously. Most want to be heard and to make their own decisions. They don't want to be treated like little kids.

Consider putting major rules in writing. Some families write up a contract that lays out the most important expectations and consequences.

When it comes to rules, preteens and teens want to know the logic behind them. They are more likely to question your rules unless they understand the reasons for them. As a result, they are more likely to rebel when parents simply lay down the law and demand that it be followed. Instead, negotiate a balance.

Be a good role model. You can be a good example to teach your child to make safe and healthy decisions! Teens are more likely to go along with a rule that you follow yourself.

Fortunately, there's more to parenting than rules. Get involved. Spending time together and talking with children every day makes it easier to explore with them your values and expectations. Reach out. Participating together in activities helps teens balance their views and channel their energy in positive directions.

For some children and teens, breaking the rules goes beyond growing pains. If rule breaking becomes constant, with little regard for what happens to themselves or others, it may be the result of stress or some other underlying cause that you might not readily see.¹ For example, some children who repeatedly violate the personal or property rights of others and the basic expectations of school and community may have mental health problems. Professional assistance can help explain disruptive or defiant behavior.²

A parent's goal is to help their teens become successful adults who think and act for themselves. Some tips for parents to remember include:

• Be prepared to say no. Not every request is reasonable.
• Be ready for a test. Kids sometimes break rules to see how serious you are.
• Don't retreat. Let kids learn by experiencing the consequences of their actions. Make sure their actions do not cause harm to themselves or cause damage.
• Stay positive. Let kids know that you value them and are proud that they are learning to make good choices.

Negotiating with you, questioning your reasoning, and thinking through the risks and consequences of her behavior also teaches your daughter to think and act for herself if her peers offer alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs or apply pressure to break school rules. Talking to your child prepares you to listen and trust her. Your conversations can also help you appreciate that she is able to make well thought-out choices.

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