Your 8-year-old refuses to put away her toys. Your 11-year-old isn't turning in his homework on time. Your 14-year-old has come home late for the third time in a row. How would you handle these situations? One of the biggest challenges in raising children is providing proper discipline. What do you think of when you think of discipline? Is it about punishing a child to make her behave? Or is it about teaching proper behavior?
Punishment, which sometimes comes in the form of name calling, isolating a child, or using physical force, may give you immediate results, but is often ineffective and too harsh. These actions don't really teach anything about appropriate behavior, and too much punishment can harm a child's self-esteem.1 It can even make her afraid of her parent or guardian. Is this really helping? Does it prevent future misbehavior?
Discipline is about teaching children appropriate behavior and helping them become independent and responsible people. A key part of growing up is learning how to deal with the results of one's actions.2 Here are some ways to encourage appropriate and responsible behavior.3
Give positive attention for desired behavior. If your child comes home on time, thank him for doing so.
Help children express their feelings and communicate. If your child is hitting her sister, talk to her to find out where the anger is coming from and discuss other options to release it.
Let children make choices when appropriate. Instead of handing your child a list of chores, take a list, sit down with him, and decide together which chores will be his responsibility.
Help your child see that choices have consequences. When your child chooses to stay up late to watch television on a school night, the next day she will realize how tired she is.
Act as a model of the appropriate behavior. If you're about to lose your temper, remember to count to 10 before speaking. This will remind your child to do the same and handle conflicts in a calm, rational manner.
Using the discipline methods listed above can provide a child with several benefits, including good decision-making skills, feelings of self-worth and self-control, and good communication skills. These benefits create a solid foundation for responsible behavior.2
Do you ever find yourself getting into a back-and-forth argument with your child? If so, you're in a power struggle. Instead of entering into a losing battle for both sides, leaving everyone exhausted, be a little flexible. If your child wants to wait until later in the evening, instead of right after school, to do his homework, give it a try. Who knows? He might be able to concentrate better after having a rest period.
Please re-visit the Set Rules section periodically to read articles on similar topics.
Sources
1 American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Discipline, last referenced 12/4/2002.
2 KidsHealth. Disciplining Your Child, last referenced 12/4/2002.
3 National Parent Information Network. Discipline: A Parent's Guide, last referenced 11/15/2003.