As a parent, you want what is best for your child, and you want her to be happy. When she was really young, it was easy for you to take care of her. If she fell or scraped a knee, you made the pain disappear by putting on a bandage, wrapping your arms around her, and telling her, "Everything will be okay." Now that she is getting a little older, a simple hug and a Band-aid may not be enough to make her feel better. As your child begins to experience life's ups and downs in a more intense way, she may pull away or act out in a manner that leaves you confused, angry or scared. Your child may seem to be in a permanent bad mood, sleeping too much, or eating too little. These are signs that your child may be depressed. There are things you can do to help your child, however, and learning more about depression is a great first step!

What To Know

Recent studies show that, at any given time, as many as 1 in every 33 children may suffer from depression. The rate of depression among adolescents is closer to that of depression in adults, and may be as high as one in eight.¹

The first question you may be asking is, "How do I tell if my child is depressed?" Has your child been under stress lately? Has he experienced loss, or is there depression in your family? Does your child get anxious or have a learning disorder? Young people with depression may have a hard time coping with everyday activities and responsibilities, have difficulty getting along with others, and suffer from low self-esteem.² Depression is more than just having the "blues" now and then; it is a persistent condition.

If you notice one or more of these signs or are worried that your child might be depressed, don't panic! It doesn't necessarily mean your child has depression. But if he does, the good news is that depression is a treatable illness, and you can help your child get better.

What To Say

Now more than ever, it is important that you have good communication with your child. When you approach him about any behavior changes or signs you've noticed, he may not want to talk about it. You can begin the conversation by reminding him that you are there for him and that you love him. Let your child know that he can trust you, that he has not done anything wrong, and that you want to know what is on his mind. The goal is to create a space where your child feels safe to share his feelings in an open and honest way.

Although there is not a specific phrase or set of statements we can offer as "words that always work," there are some things that you should never say. If your child is coming home right after school and sleeping for a few hours, only to wake up for a little while, then go right back to bed, do not scold her for being lazy. If your child can't seem to focus at school and seems to be drifting away into a dream world at the dinner table, do not tell her to snap out of it.⁴ It may be frustrating for you to sit by and watch what seems like an easy thing to change or get over, but if your child is depressed she needs more than a push to get back the energy and drive she once had.

What To Do

After talking to your child, you also might want to talk to her teacher or friends and see how your child is be acting at school and outside the home. Have they noticed a difference? If you or other important adults in your child's life suspect a problem with depression, here are a few suggested actions⁵ to take:

• Make careful notes about the behaviors that concern you. Note how long the behaviors have been going on, how often they occur, and how severe they seem to be.
• Make an appointment with a mental health professional or your child's doctor for evaluation and diagnosis.
• Get accurate information from libraries, hotlines, or other sources.
• Ask questions about treatments and services.
• Talk to other families in your community.
• Find family network organizations.

Some children try to numb their feelings of depression with other destructive behaviors⁶ like smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using marijuana or illegal drugs, gambling, or over-eating. If an addiction to one of these substances or activities develops, it will be important to treat your child for both the addiction and the mental illness. Try to prevent that from happening by showing your child other ways to cope with his emotions and to "escape" in a way that is safe and fun.

If your doctor diagnoses your child's illness as depression, there are many different treatment options available. Your child's treatment plan may include medical treatment and/or psychotherapy.⁷ You should develop this plan with your health care provider and other members of your family, including your child; giving your child an active role in planning his treatment can be very important to his improvement and recovery.

¹Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA's) National Mental Health Information Center: Major Depression in Children and Adolescents, last referenced 9/20/2002.
² Ibid.
³ American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: The Depressed Child, last referenced 9/20/2002.
⁴ KidsHealth: When Your Child Is Depressed, last referenced 9/20/2002.
⁵ SAMHSA's National Mental Health Information Center: Major Depression in Children and Adolescents, last referenced 9/20/2002.
⁶ National Institute of Mental Health: Let's Talk About Depression, last referenced 9/20/2002.
⁷ National Mental Health Association: Depression and Children, last referenced 9/20/2002.

• SAMHSA's National Mental Health Information Center: Childhood Depression Awareness Day